WASHINGTON – Activists and advocates for both sides of the political spectrum remain convinced today that their view is the popular one and claim to have the ‘silent majority.’ “More people…
Abortion compromise: Republican feminists fight for right to arm vaginas
WASHINGTON, D.C – Maintaining their pro-life, pro-gun stance, a Republican feminist initiative, is fighting to protect women’s rights by allowing them to arm their vaginas. The “Women’s Rig…
5 ways to cure your Resting Corruption Face
Are you a politician or businessman? Do your friends and colleagues often ask “Are you okay?”, “Have you been embezzling money?” or “How do you feel about human rights violations?”. If you get th…
New fitness trend: Making it out of a forest alive
HUNTSVILLE, ON – In the midst of ‘high intensity’ workout trends, there’s a new fitness program that aims to get people out into nature and hitting their fitness targets. “Survival Paleo” …
Trump proposes merit based immigration system rating potential citizens from “1” to “fuckable”
WASHINGTON, D.C – The Trump Administration has proposed a new merit-based immigration system that will award points to applicants. The system is modelled off the merit based systems used in…
Doug Ford calls down flood to punish Toronto for its insolence
TORONTO, ON – Ontario Premier Doug Ford is claiming responsibility for torrential rains that Tuesday night, saying he summoned the chaotic weather event to “punish Toronto residents f…
Doug Ford screws Toronto without consent
TORONTO – Ontario Premier Doug Ford has implemented a plan to reduce the size of Toronto city council from 47 to 25, thus ignoring boundaries that the city has clearly established, and scre…
Advocates urge cyclists to use new “Please don’t kill me” hand signal
TORONTO – Cycling safety advocates have developed a new hand signal following a string of fatal accidents on Toronto’s streets. In addition to the existing signals for ‘right’, ‘left’, and …
“Good fucking luck, Ontario!”
Editorial by Kathleen Wynne The votes have been counted, and you don’t want me in office anymore. I get it. And you know what? Good. You want Doug Ford in office? Well, good luck with that, assho…
Scientists discover renewable energy source in mediocre white men’s confidence
VANCOUVER, BC – Hundreds of years of privilege has transformed white male confidence into a pure, clean burning source of fuel, according to a study published by the University of British C…