OTTAWA—Top scientists at the Wildlife & Nature Research Institute are now advising members of the public that despite previous statements made by experts extolling the wonder and majesty of t…
Woman tears up at wedding photo capturing moment where her arms looked thin
CALGARY—Local woman Maura Lessing has reportedly experienced a special and life-affirming moment after looking at a photo from her wedding taken at exactly the moment her arms looked very thin. “…
5 sexy joke Halloween costumes to spark an evening of ironic intercourse
Halloween. Pumpkins. Candy. Fun parties. And sex you as woman would otherwise feel shame for seeking out. Check out our Halloween guide below to make your perfect costume for trick-or-treating yo…
EDITORIAL: I wouldn’t mind cyclists if they weren’t so smug about getting maimed and killed
By Herb Fentle Look, cyclists are fine. I get it, you want to exercise, and do it in a way that everyone can see you do it. And you want to make it very clear to the street that you really care a…
Melania Trump reassures nation husband has moral agency of small boy
NEW YORK — In an interview yesterday with CNN’s Anderson Cooper, Melania Trump sought to calm public concern about her husband’s attitude toward sexual assault by reminding voters that he has the…
Wedding guests unsure if centerpieces supposed to look like dicks
MILTON—Guests at the wedding of Tom Maston and Sarah Croft have begun to experience genuine confusion about whether or not the cactus and limonium centerpieces are intentionally designed to resem…
Amazing! After 17-year legal battle, genie who wrote “Genie in a Bottle” finally receives royalties
Good News Alert! After fighting for almost two decades, Jehosophine Nin, the unknown creator behind Christina Aguilera’s “Genie in a Bottle,” has finally been awarded an order for royalties…
Woman’s personal brand revamped to appeal to 18-25 demographic
VANCOUVER—Representatives for Tracy Henderson have confirmed that 29-year old graphic designer’s personal brand will be undergoing an “exciting new evolution” to help it re-center it’s appeal wit…
All I want is to have a real conversation about rape without taking responsibility for my words or actions
By: Your Facebook Friend Hi all. I’ve been thinking about a subject that’s been in the news a lot lately: sexual assault. It might be a little touchy for some people, but that doesn’t mean we sho…
Dog wearing kerchief thinks he’s so fucking cool
Guelph–Witnesses in the area have reported the presence of a dog wearing an orange bandana around his neck who seems to think he’s some real hot shit. The dog, Max, who onlookers speculate …
