GENEVA – After spending 10 minutes carefully cutting his toenails on his desk, Elbio Rosselli, the Permanent Representative of Uruguay to the United Nations, suddenly realized that the enti…
Local dad wakes screaming from nightmare in which he failed to beat weekend traffic
TORONTO – Carson Evans, a local father of three, awoke last night in a cold sweat after having a nightmare in which he failed to beat cottage traffic on a Friday afternoon. “Leave… Leave at…
Standing up for tradition: This family still bathes Santa Claus every Christmas!
VANCOUVER – A lot of people think that true Christmas spirit is nowhere to be found, but those people haven’t met the Brown family – Arthur, Ellen, Trevor, and Caitlin – who sti…
Following criticisms, Liberals vow to legalize weed even more
OTTAWA – After sustained criticism over several dozen issues, the Liberal government has promised to solve everything by legalizing weed even more. “We saw that you were angry, so we listen…
New form of male birth control just a pastrami sandwich with extra onions
CALGARY – Researchers at the University of Calgary have developed the first effective form of oral male birth control: a pastrami sandwich with extra onions. “We’re not exactly sure how it …
Professor’s clever trick question on exam prevents 14 students from attending law school
MONTREAL – Speaking to his stunned class two weeks after their midterm, Dr. Emile Hastings revealed that one of the seemingly simple questions on the test was actually a fun little trick, t…
Trump going to wait for KGB’s assessment before accusing Russia of election tampering
NEW YORK – Following a CIA report that alleges Russian tampered with the 2016 American election, President-elect Donald Trump plans to wait for the KGB’s assessment before accusing Russia o…
Trudeau defends meeting with Chinese billionaires by explaining he wanted to make a lot of money
OTTAWA – After photos surfaced showing Chinese billionaires meeting with Prime Minister Justin Trudeau at a party fundraiser, the PM defended himself by stating that he only met with the fo…
Catholics beaten by police during protest over Vatican Access pipeline
VATICAN CITY – After months of mounting tensions over the proposed Vatican Access pipeline, police have begun openly attacking the Catholic protesters, using vicious dogs, rubber bullets, a…
“Kellie Leitch can’t win here,” says man who said Trump couldn’t win there
VANCOUVER – During a dinner party held by a friend, local man David Casper openly scoffed at the notion that Kellie Leitch could ever win the Conservative party leadership, let alone a fede…