OTTAWA — This week researchers at the University of Ottawa admitted that, despite their best efforts, they were unable to conclusively determine whether an NDP Leadership race was currently…
Come From Away celebrates award win by screeching-in Tony audience
NEW YORK — The cast and crew of the renowned Canadian musical, Come From Away, celebrated their Tony Award win for ‘Best Musical Director’ by officially screeching in every audience member …
Women-only screenings of Wonder Woman countered by men-only screenings of sad porn
AUSTIN, TX — In response to several women-only screenings of the film Wonder Woman, numerous DC Comics fans are striking back with male-only screenings of online pornography. “For too long …
Jonathan Kay excited to bring his provocative opinion writing to Baskin Robbins
TORONTO – Following his resignation as editor-in-chief of The Walrus over controversial statements on cultural appropriation, Jonathan Kay is reportedly enthusiastic to bring his incendiary…
Toronto couple relieved to find affordable home in Winnipeg
WINNIPEG – After years of looking for a home Toronto-based young professionals Marcus and Ashley Warren are delighted to have finally found one in their price range, located in Winnipeg, Manitoba…
Top 5 Handmaid’s Tale scenes to pretend you’ve watched because the show looks too intense
Everyone is talking about the new Hulu television adaptation of Margaret Atwood’s The Handmaid’s Tale, and you would be too if it didn’t look harsh as fuck. Not to worry – here are 5 jaw-dr…
House GOP excited to finally read new AHCA bill they just passed
WASHINGTON, D.C. — House Republicans told reporters this afternoon that they are excited to actually read the text of the American Health Care Act, which they just voted 217 – 212 to …
Fox News limits hosts to 5 sexual harassment scandal maximum
NEW YORK – Following their decision to fire popular pundit Bill O’Reilly, Fox News has announced they are setting a “hard limit” of 5 sexual harassments for all remaining on-air talent. Aft…
Jennifer Lawrence hopes Tommy Grant of Glendale, AZ asks her to prom
BEVERLY HILLS — A-List Hollywood actress Jennifer Lawrence is reportedly waiting for an elaborate viral promposal video from 17-year-old high school student Tommy Grant, of Glendale, Arizon…
Unhinged authoritarian son of privilege plans missile launch against same
WASHINGTON/ PYONGYANG — Reports indicate that an egomaniacal dynastic head of state with a tenuous grip on reality is planning to launch missiles at essentially the exact same person from a…
