CALGARY – In the wake of a catastrophic water main break that has led city officials to urge the public to limit water use, Calgarians have banded together to defy the request by constructi…
Celebratory Edmonton Oilers spray locker room with unrefined bitumen as they advance to Stanley Cup Final
EDMONTON – Following a 2-1 victory over the Dallas Stars, the Edmonton Oilers celebrated their advancement to the 2024 Stanley Cup Final by spraying their entire locker room with hundreds o…
Felony conviction first thing Trump has earned in whole life
MANHATTAN, NY – With Donald Trump becoming the first president in United States history to be found guilty of criminal charges, observers note that this felony conviction is also the first …
Proposed names for Toronto’s new WNBA team
TORONTO – With the official announcement of Toronto gaining Canada’s first WNBA franchise, the city is buzzing about what the new expansion team will be called. The team won’t b…
Seinfeld slams woke student audiences: “Back when I dated high school girls, they found me hilarious!”
HOLLYWOOD – With his Netflix comedy film Unfrosted debuting to abysmal reviews, 70-year-old comedian Jerry Seinfeld blames the failure on “extreme left, and PC college campus audience…
Calgary unveils new slogan just in time for wildfire season
CALGARY – City officials have announced that Calgary’s official slogan will change to “Blue Sky City”, just in time for the beginning of the province’s annual Wildfi…
Deadpool & Wolverine to finally introduce Canada to Marvel Cinematic Universe
HOLLYWOOD – Superhero movie insiders report the upcoming film Deadpool & Wolverine will at long last introduce the long-rumoured nation of Canada to the Marvel Cinematic Universe. Whil…
OJ Simpson funeral to feature ceremonial televised white bronco chase
LOS ANGELES – With the passing of former football star and double homicide enthusiast OJ Simpson, the family has announced that the funeral procession will take the form of a highly-televis…
Trump clarifies abortion stance as “whatever will convince you, personally, to vote for me”
PALM BEACH, FL – In a video statement taped at his Mar-a-Lago country club, former President Trump assured voters that his firmly held stance on abortion is also whatever stance will create…
Bats announce plans to fuck shit up during eclipse
OTTAWA – With Monday afternoon’s eclipse expected to occur mid-afternoon, bats from across the continent have announced that they will “fucking just go bananas” during the…