WASHINGTON D.C. — After being asked to resign by the President, National Security Advisor Jon Bolton has left the Trump Administration to spend more time lobbying his family to invade the c…
Following Hurricane Dorian, Nova Scotians still unaware Dartmouth floated away
HALIFAX — In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, a category 2 storm that battered the Maritimes, locals have yet to notice that the entire city of Dartmouth has been washed out to sea. Officials …
America’s wealthy perverts unsure which of them actually staged Epstein suicide
NEW YORK — Following the death of jailed multimillionaire financier and accused sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein, America’s billionaire creeps were left uncertain which of their many hired fi…
Irvings demand entire province of New Brunswick stand on one foot
FREDRICTON — The entire province of New Brunswick has been ground to a halt after influential billionaire family the Irvings ordered all residents to stand on one foot. Across the province,…
In testimony, Robert Mueller reaffirms commitment to never saying or doing anything helpful
WASHINGTON D.C. — Speaking yesterday to two House Committees, Special Counsel Robert Mueller boldy restated his pledge to never ever take any action that would possibly help to hold Preside…
Simu Liu breaks barriers as first Mississaugan superhero
SAN DIEGO — Marvel Studios has announced that Chinese-Canadian actor Simu Liu, of Kim’s Convenience, will play the lead in their upcoming film Shang Chi, making this their first film to fea…
Pence assures Americans that concentration camp he just toured could never happen here
MCALLEN, TX — After stoically touring a migrant detention center with nearly 400 men crammed inside fenced cages, Vice President Mike Pence assured the American people that this kind of bar…
Contrite Acosta insists given second chance he would hide Epstein’s sex trafficking completely differently
WASHINGTON D.C. – Following this week’s indictment of wealthy serial child abuser Jeffrey Epstein, Labor Secretary Alexander Acosta responded has discussed his involvement in a controversia…
Nation’s loud, uninformed uncles line up to replace Don Cherry
TORONTO — With Rogers Sportsnet announcing that it has terminated Don Cherry’s Hockey Night In Canada contract following his recent on-air comments about immigrants, interest in the job has…
Malnourished toddler relieved to hear he’s not technically in a concentration camp
CLINT, TEXAS — After having been separated from his parents and forced to sleep on a concrete floor with thousands of other migrant children, 2 year old migrant Filipe Diaz was relieved to …
