OTTAWA — As Andrew Scheer resigns the Conservative leadership, party leaders are furious he used campaign funds to pay for his children’s private schooling, as opposed to the usual so…
Bruce Wayne warns wealth tax on billionaires could result in fewer crimes foiled via jet-powered cars
GOTHAM CITY — Following proposals for a wealth tax by Democratic primary candidate Elizabeth Warren, billionaire Bruce Wayne warned this tax could lead to a massive drop in colorful crimina…
Roger Stone concerned he has not yet been rescued from jailhouse by escape zeppelin
WASHINGTON D.C. — Trump political operative Roger Stone, after having been found guilty on seven counts, is reportedly quite anxious that his previously-arranged escape zeppelin has yet to …
Trump still chanting “lock him up” as staffers afraid to break news that baseball fans meant him
WASHINGTON D.C. — Following an appearance at Game 5 of the World Series where attendees overwhelmingly chanted “lock him up”, President Trump has reportedly continued the chant unaware that…
Conservative platform promises to only cut 2 provinces
OTTAWA — With Andrew Scheer’s Conservatives finally releasing their electoral platform, the plan has promised to cut “no more than 2 Canadian provinces”. The CPC platform, released last Fri…
Trump honestly forgets which debt he’s paying back by pulling troops from Syria
WASHINGTON – As President Trump announced a snap decision to remove US troops from Northern Syria, insiders report the president genuinely cannot recall which authoritarian leader this acti…
Trudeau wondering how long until it’s cool for him to do blackface again
OTTAWA — As the Liberal electoral campaign is rocked by revelations that Justin Trudeau has worn both black and brownface, the embattled PM has quietly asked aides how long it will be until…
Detained migrant child worried he’s doing a bad job of raising younger detained migrant child
EL PASO, TX — After accepting responsibility for fellow detained migrant child José Estada, age 3, Carlos Lopez, 11, has expressed concerns that he is not living up to the responsibility of…
John Bolton resigns to spend more time urging his family to invade Iran
WASHINGTON D.C. — After being asked to resign by the President, National Security Advisor Jon Bolton has left the Trump Administration to spend more time lobbying his family to invade the c…
Following Hurricane Dorian, Nova Scotians still unaware Dartmouth floated away
HALIFAX — In the wake of Hurricane Dorian, a category 2 storm that battered the Maritimes, locals have yet to notice that the entire city of Dartmouth has been washed out to sea. Officials …
