WINNIPEG – A recent meeting of Canada’s Premiers has seen the provincial leaders urgently request that Prime Minister Trudeau provide increased healthcare funding, to be spent on none of yo…
Marit Stiles named Ontario NDP Leader after everyone else yells “Not it!”
TORONTO – Davenport MPP Marit Stiles has been named leader of the Ontario NDP after literally every other member of the party jumped backward, touched their noses, and yelled “Not it!” at t…
Doug Ford extends Black Friday Sale on greenbelt land
QUEEN’S PARK – Premier Doug Ford announced he is extending his government’s Black Friday Greenbelt Land Sale, allowing real estate moguls and elite donors to purchase only-recently developa…
Halifax Oyster Fest mascot and Woody the Christmas Tree battle for control of harbour
HALIFAX – Scores of Haligonians were forced to evacuate their homes and business this morning as Pearl, the grotesque Oyster Fest mascot, and Woody, the horrifying talking Christmas tree, e…
BREAKING: Donald Trump announces whatever it takes to get on TV again
PALM BEACH, FL – In a late-breaking address live from his Mar-A-Lago beach resort, former President Donald Trump has announced that he is willing to say or do absolutely anything whatsoever…
Ford dons “Scary Canadian Charter” Halloween costume while invoking notwithstanding clause on CUPE workers
QUEEN’S PARK – While invoking the Notwithstanding Clause to prevent CUPE education workers from striking, Premier Ford appeared dressed in the most terrifying Halloween costume he could ima…
Reports circulate about Toronto having some kind of mayoral election
TORONTO – Unsubstantiated reports have begun to circulate throughout the metro area that some kind of municipal election may be taking place, quite possibly right under residents’ noses. “I…
Poilievre confident THIS endorsement from an alt right conspiracy theorist won’t blow up in his face
OTTAWA – After receiving praise from Infowars host and conspiracy theorist Alex Jones, Pierre Poilievre has expressed confidence that unlike past endorsements, this one will certainly not b…
Nova Scotia warned storm could reduce services to New Brunswick levels
HALIFAX – With Hurricane Fiona recently upgraded to a category 4 storm, officials are warning that power and service outages could drop to dangerous New Brunswick levels. “I won’t lie, thin…
Buckingham Palace confirms death of Queen at Meghan Markle’s hands probably
LONDON – Britain’s Royal Family has officially confirmed that Her Royal Majesty Queen Elizabeth the II is dead at age 96, with her cause of death “almost certainly” being Suits suppor…
