VICTORIA, B.C. – Local thirty-five-year-old Dion Miller has reportedly salvaged his old PlayStation 3 from a storage bin and repurposed it as his last way to watch Blu-rays, a move that has deli…
FBI director tells Americans not to bring guns to protests, schools still okay
WASHINGTON – Following the killing of Alex Jeffrey Pretti in Minneapolis, FBI director Kash Patel has advised American citizens participating in anti-ICE demonstrations to leave their firearms at…
Metrolinx wins bid to build new Alberta pipeline
EDMONTON – With Ottawa agreeing to fast track construction of a pipeline from Alberta’s oil sands to the Pacific coast, the Alberta legislature announced that Ontario-based transportation company…
Poilievre prevents more MPs from leaving party by locking doors, swallowing key
OTTAWA – In an effort to prevent any more defections from caucus, party leader Pierre Poilievre has reportedly locked all Conservative MPs in an undisclosed room in Parliament Hill before swallow…
TTC announces subway closure due to ‘not feeling it today’
TORONTO – This week the TTC announced via social media that all subway lines will be closed today due to subway workers ‘just not feeling it.’ The statement written by TTC CEO Mandeep Lali explai…
CRA addresses long call centre wait times by hiring CRA scammers
OTTAWA – In an effort to cut down call centre wait times, the Canada Revenue Agency has hired a new team of agents uniquely equipped to handle calls from concerned taxpayers: scammers who say you…
Western World to recognize Palestine as a state in September if it’s still there
PARIS/LONDON/OTTAWA – The governments of France, the UK and Canada have said they will do what’s morally right and recognize Palestine’s right to exist as a nation as early as September, pr…
Toronto’s real estate market forces Paul McCartney to move concert to Hamilton
HAMILTON – As more Torontonians relocate to cities that offer more affordable housing, rock legend Sir Paul McCartney announced that his Toronto concert at the Scotiabank Arena is also being relo…
Researchers warn Tim Horton’s in-app NHL Hockey Challenge is a gateway to drinking their coffee
HAMILTON, ON – Researchers are sounding alarm bells about the NHL Hockey Challenge on the Tim Hortons app, claiming the in-app fantasy hockey game is a ‘gateway’ that can lead users to drink the …
Evan Solomon asks ChatGPT “I’m Canada’s Minister of Artificial Intelligence. What should I do?”
OTTAWA – Newly-appointed Minister of Artificial Intelligence Evan Solomon reportedly spent his first day asking ChatGPT “Hi there, my name is Evan Solomon and I’m Canada’s Minister of AI. What sh…
