OXFORD, UK – A new study from the International School of Roads has reportedly uncovered the root cause of traffic on roads and major highways worldwide: four-wheeled vehicles known as “cars.” Th…
Meta unsure why women not buying pervert glasses
MENLO PARK, CA — As Meta’s totally cool, definitely-not-creepy smart glasses become more popular with tech bros and straight-up pervs, the tech company is reportedly baffled as to why their glass…
Canadians relieved they won’t be forced to fly Air Canada
CALGARY – With news of the WestJet strike ending, Canadians are reportedly relieved that they won’t be forced to fly with the nation’s most terrifying airline: Air Canada. The sense of dread caus…
Neighbourhood kid who just learned to ride bike now logging 14-hour shift delivering Uber Eats
OAKVILLE, ON — Seven-year-old Ryan Driftwood has been making the most of his newfound love of riding his bicycle by “making bank” as a self-employed Uber Eats food courier. The second…
Québécois rock duo Angine de poitrine tops Spotify’s global charts, earns enough to pay for Spotify Premium
SAGUENAY, QC – After topping Spotify’s global charts, the Québécois rock duo Angine de poitrine has reportedly earned enough from the streaming service to pay for the equivalent of “one month of …
Local vinyl collector charged with leaving records in hot van
GRAND FORKS, BC – Police have charged 45-year-old Otis Claypool with criminal negligence after he left two milk crates filled with vinyl records inside his hot van for nearly an hour. “Leaving 12…
Loblaws bread-fixing settlement worth approximately 1/3 of grocery trip
TORONTO – Loblaws is “stepping up to the cost of living plate” by offering a one-time court ordered payment worth approximately 33% of a typical grocery trip. “Everyday I hear Canadians tell me h…
Local man sent for psych evaluation after saying he enjoys sports without gambling
WINNIPEG – Local crisis workers have sent 32-year-old Ronald Alexander to Victoria General Hospital for psychological tests following disturbing reports that he has “never put money down on a sin…
CBC Gem crashes due to Canadians using it
TORONTO – With record numbers of Canadians viewing the Winter Olympic Games on CBC Gem, the streaming platform experienced several outages due to what’s being called “an unprecedented number of p…
