PALO ALTO – In a stunning display of scientific ineptitude, the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists held a press conference to announce that they mistakenly forgot to accommodate daylight savings t…
Marc Garneau challenges Chris Hadfield to race to the Moon
TORONTO – In an announcement which has stunned the scientific community, Minister of Transport and retired astronaut Marc Garneau has challenged former commander of the International Space Statio…
Liberals caught transporting planes full of mannequins to meet refugee intake targets
OTTAWA – In a stunning scandal which has caught the eye of people from all sides of the political spectrum, 12 recently landed planes supposedly carrying Syrian refugees have been revealed to be …
Ben Carson calls for submarines to be stationed along entire U.S. Canadian border
LAS VEGAS – Republican presidential candidate Dr. Ben Carson has publicly demanded that the US-Canadian border be secured by stationing US Navy submarines along its entire stretch. “We need to de…
‘CBC and Chill’ fails to catch on with Canadian youth
TORONTO – An attempt by the Canadian Broadcasting Corporation to capitalize on the modern hook-up practice of ‘Netflix and Chill’ has ended in abject failure after would be lovers reported …
Neil Peart to retire in three months after completion of current drum solo
TORONTO – Famed drummer Neil Peart has stunned the music world by announcing that he is set to retire in approximately three months, just as soon as he finishes his current drum solo. Peart, a fo…
Justin Trudeau demands ISIS reduce greenhouse gas emissions by 20%
PARIS – In an impassioned speech at the Paris Climate Summit on Tuesday, Prime Minister Justin Trudeau issued a public demand that the Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) immediately take step…
Cruise ship E-Coli eagerly awaiting upcoming trip to Spokane
A colony of E-Coli bacteria, which resides aboard the Carnival Majesty ocean-liner in the Western Caribbean Sea, is anxiously looking forward to its vacation to Spokane, Washington aboard the S.S…
Domino’s Pizza introduces new ‘30 minutes or it’s probably not coming’ promotion
ANN ARBOR – In a move that has stunned the fast food industry, Domino’s Pizza has unveiled a new delivery policy for its customers: Your pizza delivered in 30 minutes or it’s probably not coming …
Being buried alive by nemesis now leading cause of death for young Canadians
OTTAWA – A recent paper by an inter-disciplinary panel has revealed that being entombed by one’s mortal enemy is now the most common cause of death among Canadians. “This really surprised u…