KITCHENER – In the latest in a series of heavy cutbacks, Postmedia Network has announced they will be scaling back the company to a single coffee machine in Kitchener. “We at Postmedia beli…
Justin Trudeau lets himself go after realizing he is oldest major party leader
OTTAWA – After realizing that he is now the oldest leader of Canada’s three major political parties, Justin Trudeau has stopped his rigorous exercise regimen and started eating every piece …
Trudeau: Not up to Ottawa to challenge Quebec on the equality issue I fiercely campaigned on
OTTAWA – This past week Justin Trudeau offered a wildly lukewarm criticism of a new Quebec law banning people from providing or receiving public services with their faces covered, noting th…
Nerd alert! This huge dweeb just made $400,000 selling bitcoin
CANADA – Get ready to steal some lunch money everyone, because we’ve got a big-time loser on our hands. Ottawa nerd Carl Draden just made over $400,000 selling bitcoin. Could you get any mo…
Andrew Scheer shot with tranquilizer while wandering shirtless through the woods
GATINEAU PARK – Andrew Scheer was mistakenly shot with a tranquilizer earlier today, after the Opposition leader was spotted wandering through the trees of Gatineau Park without a shirt on.…
Twitter suspends Rose McGowan for not smiling enough
SAN FRANCISCO – American actress and director Rose McGowan was temporarily banned by Twitter this week after making several vocal statements about Harvey Weinstein and those complicit in hi…
Toronto Mayor John Tory smashes crack pipe to christen new Rob Ford Memorial Stadium
TORONTO – Mayor John Tory partook in a ceremony at the newly named Rob Ford Memorial Stadium this afternoon, christening the park by smashing a slightly burnt crack pipe against a concrete …
Self described “bon vivant” currently vomiting in children’s park
MONTREAL – After what was surely a rousing evening of eating, drinking, and celebrating, local man and self identifying bon vivant Kennedy Allen is currently throwing up in the sandbox of a…
Shocked Trans Mountain pipeline sees Justin Trudeau and environment holding hands in restaurant
OTTAWA – The Trans Mountain pipeline was shocked to discover Justin Trudeau on a date with the environment yesterday evening, after the Prime Minister had just hours earlier told it that he…
Toronto woman finally saves enough to move out of parent’s house for one month
TORONTO – After working multiple jobs for several years and saving diligently, local woman Theresa Graham finally has enough money to move into her own apartment for one month before moving…