TORONTO – Incumbent Mayor John Tory was re-elected today, on the strength of his qualifications as a man who started his political career having worked exclusively for his dad and his dad’s…
Affordable housing: John Tory promises to build one giant detached home for all of Toronto’s poor
TORONTO – Showing a bold new vision for the 2018 mayoral race, John Tory has announced plans to build Toronto’s underprivileged a giant two-bathroom, forty-eight-thousand-bedroom house in t…
If re-elected, Tory promises to increase flooding until Toronto a gondola-filled Venice of the North
TORONTO – With the mayoral election less than a month away, John Tory is running on his record of turning Toronto into a stormwater-flooded city of breathtaking waterways. “Imagine it,” sai…
Doug Ford invokes notwithstanding clause to ram through legislation releasing all the snakes at the Zoo
TORONTO – Premier Doug Ford has invoked the notwithstanding clause, overriding a judicial ruling that said it was wrong to release thousands of snakes from the Toronto Zoo. “Folks, I was democrat…
Canada aims to reduce number of detained migrant children to number still higher than zero
OTTAWA – Proving once again that the world needs more Canada, Public Safety minister Ralph Goodale has announced we will reduce the number of detained migrant children from ‘way more than you thi…
Local consultant not sure what he does, either
TORONTO – Eight months after starting work at his firm, local consultant Keith Calderon still has difficulty explaining what it is that he actually does for a living. “What does consultant …
Ford dismantles Wynne legacy by scrapping law that says you can’t drown kittens on school property
TORONTO – After ending policies on carbon-pricing, vaping, ticket scalping, guaranteed income, and police oversight, Doug Ford has continued to dismantle the Liberal legacy by cancelling Ka…
Ford promises obsolete sex-ed curriculum will be updated to include girl-on-top
QUEEN’S PARK – After a weeks-long furore around sex-ed in Ontario’s schools, Doug Ford has promised that the 1998 curriculum will be updated to include contemporary issues, such as girl-on-…
Tragedy strikes as Marineland trainer killed by captive human being
NIAGARA FALLS, ON – Disaster struck at one of Canada’s leading wildlife parks today, as yet another trainer was killed by the park’s star human being, Dave. “It seemed like everything was g…
Doug Ford says asylum-seekers have run his business into the ground and stolen Renata’s inheritance
ETOBICOKE, ON – After claiming asylum-seekers were responsible for Toronto’s housing crisis, Doug Ford has added to the list of accusations, saying they’ve criminally mismanaged his family busine…