SURREY, BC – In what onlookers can only describe as a strange violation of everyday norms, parents from all over the community are waiting in line for up to half-an-hour in order to place t…
REPORT: Experts worried Christmas not commercial enough
OTTAWA – With a worrying drop in retail sales and less than stellar spending growth, financial experts are beginning to worry that the fourth quarter holiday season purchasing period may no…
How to baby proof your home using birth control
For many new parents, one of the biggest stresses of bringing home their little bundle of joy is making sure that their home is safe. The home is a nightmare of hazards, from knives, to bathtubs,…
Help! I don’t know I’m a terrible parent!
Oh boy, am I in over my head! And the worst part about it? I don’t even realize it. Here I am, in the grocery store, when one of my kids asks me question. You know, the kind of basic question tha…
CIA coup of United States apparently delayed one more day
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Putting off plans that everyone assumes were drawn up as soon as election results were confirmed, the CIA has seemingly balked once again at overthrowing the dangerous an…
Medical AI working as self-driving car after foreign credentials rejected
WATERLOO – After having its medical credentials rejected due to their overseas origin by professional health organizations, an artificial intelligence smart enough to be a doctor has only b…
Man who brought TTC into the 20th century resigns
TORONTO – Addressing a crowd of reporters, Andy Byford, the man who worked tirelessly for the last five years to bring the Toronto Transit Commission into the twentieth century made public …
Millennials applaud new PC Optimum points as the only retirement plan they can afford
TORONTO – After recently buying Shoppers Drug Mart, Loblaw’s has merged the nation’s two most popular consumer loyalty points programs into the PC Optimum points program, finally giving mil…
Wow! These laid off coal miners have retrained as social media influencers
Move over Trump! You’re not the only one bringing jobs back to coal miners. Once so-called victims of today’s highly automated economy, these seventeen former employees of Teck Resources Ltd. hav…
Couple calling each other “babe” after forgetting names five years ago
BRANDON, MA – Living together in quiet desperation in fear of being caught, a local couple has resorted to referring to each other as “babe” after both have completely forgotten what their …
