SASKATOON, SK – Witnesses report that local businessman, Jared Rice, has made Mother’s Day intolerably awkward for everyone around him after he accidentally introduced his mother, Ruth, as …
Local child wants to push button
This afternoon, witnesses report a woman walking with a 5-year-old girl who loudly proclaimed her desire to push the button at the crosswalk. “She was really pushy,” said James P. Garland, a loca…
Trudeau edges budget halfway off table to demonstrate it balancing itself
OTTAWA – Prime Minister Justin Trudeau has silenced critics by carefully placing the Liberal government’s budget halfway off of a table, where according to sources it teetered precariously …
New Air B&E app lets you stay in other people’s unsecured homes
SAN FRANCISCO – A new online application is revolutionizing the hospitality industry by allowing users to stay in the homes of regular people who haven’t properly secured their property. “A…
How are you celebrating Conrad Black history month?
By: Conrad Black, Baron Black of Crossharbour February is Black history month, and that means it is, once again, it’s time to honour and pay tribute to the major historical contributions that I, …
Goldman Sachs predicts CDN dollar will continue to fall after they artificially lower it
NEW YORK CITY – Goldman Sachs’ computer models have predicted that the value of the Canadian Dollar will fall 12 cents compared to the US dollar in the coming weeks after they use an astoun…
Don Cherry hospitalized after Cold-FX overdose
TORONTO – Sports personality and Canadian fashion icon Don Cherry has been hospitalized after overdosing on Cold-FX, a supplement said to prevent cold and flu infections that he has been th…
Child successfully sues friend for one million doll hairs
Charlottetown, PEI – After a lengthy court battle, eight-year-old Sandy Hamilton has been ordered to deliver to his once best friend, Jamie Vandermeer, exactly one million doll hairs, based…
Quantum computer able to access pornography from different universes
WATERLOO, ON – Researchers at the University of Waterloo have created a quantum computer that is able to access the internet and download pornography from parallel universes. Basic quantum …
