TORONTO – As another tax season approaches, financial experts suggest that the best way to prepare for retirement is to sneak a bunch of new numbers into your bank’s database and hope for the best.
“When it comes to money, bigger numbers are usually better,” said one financial advisor who wouldn’t give us their name for some reason. “If you can get into the system and add a zero or two onto everything you’ll probably come out ahead.”
The advisor added that while adding too much money could trigger an audit, the CRA is really overworked so odds are good that you can invent a hefty chunk of moolah without facing consequences.
While many Canadians worry that they’re unprepared to bluff their way into retirement, this expert insisted that anyone can benefit from this simple investment technique.
“It’s a myth that you need significant technical skills to hack yourself a proper retirement fund,” the advisor said. “Just casually pull a dripping meatball sub out of your bag and ‘accidentally’ drop it in your banker’s lap. You’ll have unfettered access to their computer while they go clean up.”
“The more you contribute to your RRSP, the larger your tax credit becomes, so this is basically an infinite money hack. Just make sure you don’t accidentally delete money or add a negative sign when you’re mashing the keyboard. One of my clients owes the bank 700,000 dollars now.”
The advisor added that you should also be careful not to change your contact information or SIN, and that if you get caught you didn’t hear any of this from them.
If you’re not adept at distraction, other financial experts we spoke to agree that it’s easy to score additional tax credits by creating an education savings plan for any pet that has a human-sounding name.
