TORONTO – Concerns about the budgeting focus of Ontario’s PC government were brought to the forefront again this morning, when it was revealed that the province’s financial plan consists largely of investing into a stack of scratchy lotto tickets.
“We believe that this plan has the potential to put up to half-a-billion dollars into Ontario’s economy,” said minister of finance Vic Fedeli while referring to a stack of over 500 tickets, each one with a one million dollar jackpot. “The people of Ontario will be pleased with our diverse portfolio, investing in Cash For Life, Crosswords, and of course, scratch-and-win Bingo, along with the hundreds of other tickets we bought, at least one of them is guaranteed to win.”
“The plan is flawless, he added.”
The populist move is being praised by Premier Ford’s base, many of whom are noting the plan’s similarity to their own retirement savings plan. However, several left-leaning voters had mixed reactions to the policy.
“At the very least, scratching off all those tickets will keep Doug Ford and his team busy for a few hours a day,” said Mariah Rielly, a 4th year sociology student at Ryerson University. “There’s definitely an unquantifiable benefit to that.”
“So it gets my approval,” she added.
At press time, after learning provincial lottery winnings are currently paid out by the Ontario government, Premier Ford has proposed a new tax cut so everyone can go buy more lottery tickets.
