OTTAWA – The Canadian government has responded to dangerously high temperatures with the building of a massive $3 billion Slip n’ Slide that will stretch across the nation.
“It just seemed like a really important undertaking at this juncture. We’re deeply concerned about the health and safety of all Canadians,” said a visibly sweaty Trudeau. “Also the House’s air conditioning is on the fritz and the mall won’t let us loiter all the way through question period.”
The massive project has connected Vancouver with St. John’s using several thousand kilometres of plastic sheeting and billions of litres of water.
“It was a pretty amazing experience,” said Donald Farber, a Vancouver native, “I started on top of the Rockies and slid all the way to my cousin’s place in Calgary. The butt chafing was totally worth it!”
This is not the first drastic measure the government has enacted to deal with the extreme heat, most recently dispatching elite military squads armed with super soakers and water balloons into desperate areas.
However, the Slip n’ Slide is the administration’s most popular project to date among constituents. The Green Party’s solution to the heat wave, a suggested “Let’s Stop Fucking With the Planet” initiative, was unanimously booed in Parliament.
