Drumheller, AB – While clearing the table one morning, local husband Vince Hefflund was shocked to discover that the coffee mug his wife had been drinking from was empty.
“I’ve never seen anything like it,” said Hefflund. “I was expecting the mug to be so much heavier that I almost flung it into the air.”
Hefflund is used to finding his wife’s mostly-finished coffee vessels all over the house, whether it’s a cup in the bedroom, a travel mug in the shower, or a collection of yellowing Starbucks cups lining the door of the fridge. The only place she never seems to leave one is on the electric mug warmer he bought her for Christmas.
“This is why we own, like, 70 mugs,” explained Hefflund. “And my wife insists on using all of them fairly.”
Hefflund documented his mind-blowing discovery with blurry photographic evidence, but other husbands remain skeptical.
“Once I found an abandoned cup on my wife’s night table with only a few sips left. I think it was the summer of ‘93,” says fellow husband Oscar Hewitt. “But bone dry? Completely devoid of liquid? That’s the husband’s holy grail.”
Hefflund’s wife, however, doesn’t see the big deal.
“God forbid I like to savor my beverages,” says Grace Hefflund. “My husband drinks coffee so fast he burns the tip of his tongue every time! And don’t even get me started on how fast he drinks water. Or eats literally anything. Or falls asleep during a movie. Or stops following the directions while he’s building Ikea furniture. Or gets mad at the Ikea furniture. Or hurts himself because he’s mad at the Ikea furniture. Or…”
As of press time, Grace Hefflund had not finished listing things her husband does too quickly.
