TORONTO – In an effort to sell tickets to baseball games, Blue Jays team president Mark Shapiro has announced a new giveaway where the first 15,000 fans who enter the Rogers Centre during an upcoming game will be given their very own family doctor.
“This couldn’t come at a better time for us and for our many ill fans,” said Shapiro. “With so many Ontarians struggling to find a doctor, and with our organization struggling to get folks into the Rogers Centre, we thought this giveaway would give us an opportunity to generate excitement and make new fans.”
“Hopefully ones that’ll forever feel indebted to us for hooking them up with a G.P.,” Shapiro added.
Asked if the doctor recommendation was just another gimmick to try and get people into the Rogers Centre to buy $15 beers or $12 slices of pizza, Shapiro responded “This won’t be like the time we tried giving away ‘Edwin Encarnacion-themed live parrots,’ or when we gave our fans food poisoning with the ‘Justin Smoak’ed meat sandwiches.’”
Shapiro then clarified, “We’re doing this because we wanted to give our fans something they’ll surely cherish forever. Plus, the game will be on a Tuesday, so that’ll give our fans a chance to eat a Loonie Dog… or eight if they’re up to it.”
Critics are calling this move from the Blue Jays “a grand slam” as tickets to the game sold out within minutes of them being announced. And while the game is still months away, hundreds of ticket holders have already set up camp outside of the Rogers Centre as they wait for their chance to get their own family doctor.
For some campers, like 33-year-old Brendan Sharp, they can’t wait to get a doctor, saying how “I just really need someone to look at my left side.” But for folks, like Mike Klein, they’re planning on selling their giveaway on the secondary market, despite the fact that doing this has led to them receiving a medical diagnosis of being ‘a total asshole’.
“The name-calling doesn’t bother me. It’s part of the job,” said Klein, who was the first person in line to get the giveaway. “And to be honest, I don’t understand the appeal of getting a doctor. It’s not like we don’t have walk-in clinics in Ontario, I assume. But hey, if someone really wants this, I’m more than willing to sell it to the highest bidder.”
The Jays also announced several health-related activations for the gameday, including a pop-up clinic where fans can get a tetanus shot, skin tags removed, or have Ace check their blood pressure.
When asked how they plan on dealing with a larger than normal crowd, Shapiro said how Fire Services is willing to momentarily lift the capacity of the Rogers Centre, noting, “they said if things got out of hand we should be good to go, what with all the extra doctors.”
