OTTAWA – Prime Minister Mark Carney has called for a snap election to be held on April 28th, and has specified that Canadians will be required to choose an MP in their riding, as opposed to just writing in “SUCK MY BALLS TRUMP!”
“We are facing the most significant crisis of our lifetimes because of President Trump’s unjustified trade actions and his threats to our sovereignty,” said the newly sworn-in PM, moments after dropping the writ. “That said, this is an actual election where you actually have to vote for a person, and – I cannot stress this enough – resist the urge to just curse out Trump, no matter how much he fucking sucks.”
Carney added, “See, there I am doing it. People, please just fill out your ballot correctly, and we’ll all go back to collectively hating on that spray-tanned shitgibbon– Dammit, I did it again!”
Officials from Elections Canada are reminding Canadians that ballots are to be filled out with an X in the circle next to the MP you are voting to represent your riding, and will unfortunately be disqualified if they contain any other handwritten invectives. For example:
- Eat shit Donald
- 51st State my ass!
- The Apprentice sucked
- Eat shit Elon
- Elbows up, motherfuckers
- The Hip rules!
In lieu of writing angry anti-Trump administration messages on their ballots, Elections Canada is encouraging Canadian votes to just scream furiously at their phones like we’ve all been doing.
At press time opposition leader Pierre Poilievre has requested that any write-in ballots saying “We love Trump!” be counted as Conservative votes.
