Listen up, Canadian patriots: the day you’ve been waiting for has finally come. That’s right, Justin Trudeau, the guy you’ve been threatening to fuck for the last several years like the common sense Canadians you are, has finally announced that he’s resigning! And once you’re finished celebrating, most likely by flooding the streets with your pickup trucks and peeing on whatever statue is closest, you might find yourself wondering, “What do I do with all my ‘Fuck Trudeau flags now that he’s gone?” Here are five easy ways to reuse those beautiful, flapping symbols of your love for your straight, white country.
1. Stitch them together into anti-woke uniforms. Now that Trudeau is gone, you just KNOW that he’s gonna start some underground woke war rebellion against honest, hardworking Canucks like you. You won’t stand for that! You should all turn your flags into new army uniforms so that everyone can see you and know what you are the best Canada has to offer: men and women (and those are the only two genders!) who will fight against Trudeau’s secret alt-left, they-them battalions. All of Canada will see you in those flimsy red and white duds and respect you. It’s what you deserve.
2. Make capes out of them! America has Superman; Canada has YOU. YOU were the true reason that Trudeau finally resigned like the coward he is. What better way to show everyone what heroes you all are than running around with “Fuck Trudeau” capes on? Everyone will see you coming and shout, “It’s a bird! It’s a plane! It’s The Reason Grocery, Gas, and Housing Prices Will Immediately Go Down Regardless of What Economists Say!”
3. Turn them into toilet paper! Haha, that’ll really show Justin! Maybe take a few bathroom pics and post them on social media so that everyone can see how much you love your country AND your butt. Hell yeah, brother! Turd-eau really IS full of shit!
4. Create “Liberal Tears” tissue boxes out of them. Dumb Libs, wanting medical care and homeless shelters and affordable housing! Cut up those beautiful flags into tiny tissues for their tiny woke eyes that are probably crying with fear right now! Make sure you tell them “You’re gonna need these when Pierre gets in!” every time your sister, mother, disabled friend, queer cousin, elderly father, or sick bestie is sobbing in a corner like a friggin’ loser!
5. Just change the name. Listen, we all know that your duty as loyal Canadians is to hate any Liberal cuck who eventually replaced Trudeau, so why not just scratch out his name, wait until they announce his successor, and then write whatever their stupid name is on top? Remember: it’s not the person you hate, it’s what they represent: a big ol’ commie roadblock on the way to a Poilievre Supremacy. On second thought, you should make a “Fuck Poilievre” flag. But, like, you actually mean it this time. That guy’s so hot.
