BRAMALEA, ON — Local trendster Emily Ling established herself as the GOAT when she pushed the envelope by pouring awesome sauce onto cool beans, resulting in an amazeballs explosion of cray cray proportions.
“OMG!” said Ling. “I know I’m preaching to the choir, but this is the Best. Day. Ever. I’m so bad at peopling, and just to humblebrag, the response has made my holibobs. It totes magoats hits me in the feels.”
The explosion showered the vicinity with brunch pics, heart-eye emojis and planks bearing the words ‘Life, Laugh, Love.’ It was celebrated by a flash mob doing a choreographed dance that went on to win the Internet, encouraging many a viewer to smash those like and subscribe buttons.
Emergency crews found no injuries or property damage. “My relief was epic,” said fire chief Jayce Moore. “I was today years old when I found out this kind of thing could even happen. I’m shook. This has definitely been part of my journey.”
“I would describe this as an unprecedented example of crushing it,” commented Dr. Spank McIntosh, cultural studies professor at the University of Manitoba. “The reaction GIFs and ‘squee!’ comments are expected to be on fleek. Now if you’ll excuse me, it’s wine o’clock.”
The public response has been overwhelmingly positive, with observers variously opining “THIS,” “life ruiner, amirite?” and “nom nom nom.”
Ling’s perf win has drawn some haterade, however. “Stahp! Needy much? She is hella thirsty,” said commenter Flynn Blake, posting an eye-rolling selfie. “I can’t even. At the end of the day, she plucked some low hanging fruit. I’m sorry if you’re offended, Ms. Ling, but this is my truth, and I mean that hundo P, just sayin’. Sorry not sorry. Byeeeeee Felicia!”
At press time, Ling is taking a staycation to chillax, spend time with her fur babies, have some drinkies and din dins just for funsies, wait out Mercury being in retrograde, and reflect on all the ways she’s #blessed. After all, YOLO.
