LONDON, ON – A local woman has shocked friends and family by revealing that her favourite comfort show contains neither fantastical creatures, nor grisly true crime homicides.
Vanessa Parker, 34, revealed the disquieting news in a shared Instagram story asking users to reveal their comfort show of choice. When Parker revealed hers was the classic 90s sitcom Friends, she received such extreme backlash she had to set her profile to private.
“I mean, I guess Ross is KIND OF a monster, and you DO want to murder him several times throughout the series,” says co-worker Amelia Woods. “But it’s just not the same. IT’S NOT THE SAME!”
Friends attempted to ease Parker into more traditional comfort viewing with some lightly violent series such as Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, and Monster: The Jeffrey Dahmer Story. But it was to no avail, as each show inexplicably managed to remind her of a cozy and lightly-comedic episode of Friends.
“I don’t understand what she finds so ‘comforting’ about it. I mean, where’s the blood? Where’s the violence? Where’s the false assertion that the good guys will always win that you will both deeply resent and desperately cling to as you grow older?” says friend Stephanie Chapman. “It’s like finding out your bestie’s comfort food is a block of American cheese, parts of which really have not aged well.”
Parker’s social circle scrambled to find another shared interest, such as cyber-stalking former classmates, listening to murder podcasts, or gorging on foods they know make their tummies hurt. Unfortunately, they were soon forced to realize that they have about as much in common with Parker as Ross does with Rachel.
At press time, Parker was reportedly starting yet another re-watch of Friends while working on her homemade taxidermy.
