NETHERWORLD – Noted hobgoblin-about-town Robin Redpath was spotted far from his regular domestic haunts cavorting with a retinue of goblins, scandalizing those who believe the two species should remain apart.
“Hobgoblins are hobgoblins. Goblins are goblins. And ne’er the twain shall meet,” spat Billy Buckstop, hobgoblin housemaster. “Hobgoblins are sophisticated fairies who do household chores in human houses. While goblins are monstrous creatures who dwell out-of-doors digging mines and being violent. I’m sure there’s a racial allegory in there, but I can’t think of what it is.”
Goblin world leaders were similarly angry. “Who dares share a goblet of mead with those puny, hairy, human helpers?!” bellowed Arcturus Ghorg, chieftain of the Bog Walker tribe. “We are goblins! Sometimes known as kobolds, and maybe redcaps if wearing a hat dyed in blood. But definitely not hobgoblins who are small and hairy – well a different small and hairy than me. Am I a redcap? Wait, what was the question?”
When reached for comment, Robin Redpath was surprised at the fuss his actions had caused.
“It was nothing planned,” Redpath explained. “I was passing through the dungeon with a flagon of wine, and they had found a trove of truffles. I didn’t even know they were goblins. I thought they were gremlins, or maybe imps. Definitely not gnomes. From their speech I thought they might be dokkaebi or maybe related to kuttichathan.”
“What can I say? I know nothing about goblins, which means that I don’t see race.”
Unfortunately, the cross-cultural exchange has caused a widespread identity crisis in both communities, and now numerous goblins and hobgoblins have been seen frantically cross-referencing The Lord of the Rings and The Advanced D&D Monstrous Manual (second edition) to figure out exactly what the heck they are.
