TORONTO – According to a study conducted by a panel of cybersecurity experts, your new password lacks the special spark of your old one and will never bring you the same joy.
“Few people get through life without resetting their password at least once, if not several times,” the study said. “But in this case your new password is a clear downgrade borne from needy desperation.”
“Sure, it will keep you comfortable and secure, but it isn’t as memorable, and typing it won’t give you the same thrill,” the study continued. “Before you know it you’ll only be typing it once a week, then once a month. Remember when logging into Netflix made you think of your childhood because you used your old dog’s name, but with a dollar sign and ampersand thrown in? Your new string of gibberish can’t provide moments like those.”
The experts also agree this is all your fault for taking your old password for granted.
“You should have remembered its special string of numbers, but your real mistake was panicking and making increasingly wild guesses instead of just admitting your error,” a security analyst said. “We all forget important parts of our passwords sometimes, but it’s when we fail to calm down and think that we lose them.”
To keep a good password in your life, experts recommend using it at least twice a week, routinely thanking it for keeping your files and data safe even if it’s been doing the job for years, and never sharing its revealed characters without its permission.
“Unfortunately, password leaks can and will happen, which can be embarrassing for all concerned,” the analyst said. “But you can help keep your treasured password safe by only using it in secure locations, instead of casually bandying it about every sketchy site that catches your eye.”
The study closed with encouragement to move on despite the pain, because you can’t go back to your old password no matter how hard you try.
