HOLLYWOOD – Superhero movie insiders report the upcoming film Deadpool & Wolverine will at long last introduce the long-rumoured nation of Canada to the Marvel Cinematic Universe.
While the MCU has previously been established as the home of Wakandans, Asgardians, and Atlanteans, the film franchise has studiously avoided acknowledging the existence of any country whatsoever existing north of the continental United States.
“One time a map in the background of Captain America: The Winter Soldier showed something existing above the 49th Parallel,” explains Kevin Feige, President of Marvel Studios. “But eagle-eyed viewers zoomed in and saw, correctly, that the name on the map just read ‘Empty Tundra’. Marvel has no Canada.”
That is all set to change with the release of Deadpool & Wolverine, which will include at least five references to Canada per minute, thanks to an iron-clad clause in star Ryan Reynolds’ contract.
“Sure, I’m from Vancouver, so anytime I’m on screen that’s a freebie,” explained Reynolds, as he donned a Canucks jersey mid-interview. “But we’ve also got Canadian superhero Wolverine, the CN Tower, Tim Horton’s Dutchies, a cameo by David Suzuki, multiple scenes set in the Diefenbunker, and also the entire score will be old pre-Steven Page exit Barenaked Ladies tunes.”
According to sources, Deadpool & Wolverine will reportedly introduce the nation of Canada to the Marvel Universe “through some dimensional portal or something, who cares”. It has also been reported that Marvel stars Simu Liu, Tatiana Maslany, Iman Vellani, and Cobie Smulders will no longer be forced under pain of death to pronounce the word “about” as “abowt”.
With Deadpool & Wolverine opening on July 26th, be sure to stay for an exclusive post-credits scene where Reynolds will force actor Hugh Jackman to renounce his Australian citizenship and swear allegiance to Wolverine’s home of Canada.
