TORONTO – Die hard Jays fan Pat Ornelas has developed a perfect strategy for when to take bathroom breaks during lengthy games without missing anything exciting: he only goes when the team has runners in scoring position.
“Men on first and second with no outs and our leadoff hitter George Springer at the plate? Time to go poop,” said Ornelas as he grabbed his phone and headed to the bathroom.
“I used to watch the game on my phone while I was in there but now I just scroll through the anguished tweets of other Jays fan as they react to the team’s inability to score in these situations.”
Ornelas used to try to fit in bathroom breaks for commercials but found that endless Kelseys ads were actually more exciting than when the Blue Jays have a great opportunity to score runs to help them in their playoff race.
“You have to be aware of the situation. If we have runners on against a lousy team when we’re already up 5-0, then you may want to keep watching because we’ll probably score. But if it’s against the Orioles or Rays and we’re down a run with a chance to tie or take the lead, you’re safe to go without missing a thing.”
At press time the Blue Jays had opted against making any big moves at the trade deadline, choosing instead to focus on correcting the Body Snatchers situation that is happening with Springer and Vladimir Guerrero Jr.
