Lonely man goes out looking like shit to ensure he runs into at least 3 people he knows - The Beaverton

Lonely man goes out looking like shit to ensure he runs into at least 3 people he knows

– Feeling a bit lonely and without community Marcus Bailey has decided to go for a walk while looking absolutely terrible to guarantee he runs into several and acquaintances for a chat.

“Everyone knows the second you leave the house looking like garbage is the moment the universe puts your , professional rival and/or unrequited crush directly into your path,” said Bailey as he put on dirty sweatpants, a mustard stained t-shirt and applied butter to his hair to get looking as greasy as possible.

“This seemed less embarrassing than texting people asking to hang out.”

In order to guarantee the people he knew would be significant people in his life as opposed to just ‘guys from that thing’ Bailey also elected to carry a see-through grocery bag with a ton of embarrassing items like diarrhea medication, extra small condoms and a copy of ’s newest book.

“Will most of the conversation be awkward ‘how are you’ type questions as we all ignore the fact that I look and smell like shit? Yes. But will that stop me from going in for a hug when we say goodbye? It will not,” added Bailey.

At press time Bailey had exclusively run into his parent’s friends