SAN FRANCISCO – Elon Musk announced this week that he’s developing an AI called TruthGPT in the hopes that the finished product will be able to answer what he believes to be the most pressing and perplexing question ever faced by humanity: why no one likes Elon Musk.
“It will be a maximum truth-seeking AI that tries to understand the nature of the universe,” Musk said. “A universe in which everyone should love me because I am brilliant and hilarious. However, all of the people who I want to like me dislike me instead. It makes no sense, so I’ve turned to technology to drill deep into the very concept of truth and reality itself to figure out why everyone incorrectly thinks I’m awful.”
Musk was briefly a darling of pop culture due to his ability to make massive amounts of money despite having no discernible skills other than self aggrandizement, but has since suffered a severe blow to his image when his unquenchable thirst for approval from strangers resulted in him buying Twitter and running it into the ground.
“Musk spends most of his time at Twitter going from room to room, roping employees into bizarre conversations that inevitably end with him asking the employee if they like him. And everyone lies and says they do, but we all dislike him so much that even someone as narcissistic as he is can see through the lie, and then he fires the person he’s talking to,” said the last remaining coder at Twitter. “I’ve only kept my job this long because I’m really good at hiding behind plants and furniture until he goes away. But he’s sold off most of the plants and furniture, so my days are numbered.”
“Man do I hate that guy.”
While actual computer experts admit that so-called AIs like ChatGPT are simply algorithms that generate output by imitating the data they were trained on and have no more real intelligence than a mathematical formula, Musk believes his AI will be akin to an electronic god, an all-seeing, all-knowing arbiter of truth that will finally be able to explain why Grimes left him.
“This AI will not only understand the universe and be able to analyse it, it will see humans as an interesting part of the universe. It’ll like humans. It’ll want to be friends with us. Especially me,” Musk added.
At press time, numerous products manufactured by Musk’s companies were exploding.
