WINNIPEG – As anti-lockdown rallies continue in COVID hotspots across the country, several protestors compared the public health measures to the totalitarian ideology summarised on the Wikipedia page for the novel Nineteen Eighty-Four.
“Nineteen Eighty-Four warned readers about a world where every thought and action was controlled, and now we’re living in the summary I read,” said Pauline Gibbs, who faced no consequences for publicly expressing her opinion. “And, just like protagonist Will Smith, I face the cruel censorship of an older brother who calls me stupid when I share my opinions on Facebook.”
“I was assigned Nineteen Eighty-Four in high school,” said Alfred Byrd. “And let me tell you, this is exactly like when George Orwell had to navigate that farm full of angry animals.”
Several other protestors pointed out that Nineteen Eighty-Four’s Wikipedia page references socialism, the government, math, and other countries – all things they hate. One man, who couldn’t explain what his “Vaccines = Thoughtcrime” sign meant, warned that if Canadians didn’t revolt the country would end up just like the fictional country in the novel, Australia.
“I don’t think it’s a coincidence that 1984 predicted the birth of Mark Zuckerberg,” said an anonymous woman who accidentally read the page for the actual year.
“They’re just trying to distract us so we don’t use our minds,” said Vinnie North, who hasn’t touched a book since he finished a James Patterson novel eight years ago. “But if there’s one lesson I learned from reading about Nineteen Eighty-Four it’s that we’re all supposed to endlessly consume one news channel while yelling at the politicians they tell us to.”
At press time, North had skimmed the Wikipedia page for Fahrenheit 451 and was arguing that anyone who disagreed with him should be set on fire.
