OTTAWA – In the wake of US Intelligence concluding that Saudi Arabian Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman was personally involved in the murder of Jamal Khashoggi, Prime Minister Trudeau clarified that he does not consider Saudi Arabia an ally, just an acquaintance Canada sells a shit load of weapons to.
“Sure we sold them 3 billion dollars worth of military hardware in 2019 alone,” said Trudeau on NBC’s Meet The Press. “But the relationship isn’t that serious.”
“We’re just acquaintances. Or work friends. At most we’re Fucking Over Yemen Buddies.”
Canada has refused Saudi Arabia’s numerous requests to finally “put a label on things,” just as it has refused numerous humanitarian organizations to “stop selling guns and tanks to one of the most evil regimes on the planet.”
“I’m not ready to commit to the whole ally thing right now. I’ve been hurt before. Like when I called China an ally and then they went behind my back and locked up two of our citizens for no reason,” said Trudeau.
Trudeau added that he still thinks Saudi Arabia is a very special country, and hopes they will continue paying us enough money that we overlook the brutal murder of a journalist for years to come.
At press time, Saudi Arabia was being comforted by it’s friends, who were telling them they were too good for Canada anyway and should fine some other nominally Liberal country willing to betray its values for money. Like Australia. Or maybe Greece.
