OTTAWA- After a huge jump in cases, the federal government has now mandated that all international passengers must test negative for politician.
“The cases are growing at an alarming rate,” declared a spokesperson for Public Health, “with the amount of politicians flying to tropical resorts in a pandemic on track to exceed our worst case projections.”
Diagnoses of travel emerging from Ontario’s former Finance Minister’s Caribbean trip prompted plans to be set in motion in case of further spread, but after the Alberta’s Municipal Affairs Minister travelled to Hawaii, the Crown has decided to immediately crack down.
“There are other things the public can do to prevent the spread of elected officials. Wash your hands of party registrations, keep your distance from Reddit comment sections, and please, shred your application to run for office.”
With cases including a cabinet minister from Saskatchewan and even a Liberal MNA from Quebec being reported travelling internationally, the variety of cases shows that selfishly flying to resorts in the middle of a pandemic knows no political lines.
“We have been stressing the dangers of being a politician in provincial government for ages,” commented Ryerson University’s Political Science Professor Harsha Chakraborty. “I’m not sure why you need a political science expert to tell you this, pick up literally any newspaper from the past 30 years. Hell, the last 6 months. Pull up any website now. Do it, seriously.”
In addition to the new travel regulations, the federal government also wants to stress to the public that not having large gatherings and bragging about it like a piece of shit is the single easiest way to not test positive for self-entitlement.
