KITCHENER- With more Canadians staying at home and avoiding the public, it makes sense that online activities would also be on the rise. But a new report suggests that while porn consumption is up, it’s not for the reasons that most people think.
Local woman Melanie Cray is open about her experience. “At the beginning of quarantine, I binged TV shows to escape. But now that COVID-19 has leached into the storylines of Grey’s, Law and Order and various Housewives, regular TV doesn’t really scratch my itch, if you know what I mean. I need something more.”
When asked for more information, Melanie explained, “I need to see people physically interacting in a world where COVID doesn’t exist.”
Social worker Sandra Butler agrees. “It’s so exciting to see people interacting without worrying about being distanced or wearing a mask. And not wearing a mask is just the beginning, if you get my drift. It gets really intense.” After an awkward pause, Sandra continued. “They also speak really closely, and in some of the videos, more than ten people are together in a room.”
Tessa Hathaway, a mother of three, has a group chat with her other female friends about which videos are the most tantalizing. “We’re really into this genre where… oh I don’t know if I can say it!” she tells a reporter. “Ok, well, the guy puts something into the girl’s mouth. And you won’t believe what it is! It’s wild!”
When pressed, Tessa clarified that it was the man’s finger, which hadn’t been washed or sanitized on camera. “The money shot!”, she says with a blissful look on her face.
It’s unclear as to whether this trend will follow into the future, though health experts have suggested that watching porn is much safer than doing it in real life. And by “it”, they of course mean getting rawdogged by two enormous guys at once.
