TORONTO – In response to photos of Ontario’s youngest MPP, Sam Oosterhoff, posing indoors in a tightly gathered group of roughly 40 unmasked people, premier Doug Ford explained that although he does blame the irresponsible behaviour of the province’s young people for the recent spike in COVID infections, the behaviour of this specific young person who works for him was actually very responsible.
“Folks, let me be clear: young people in this province need to stop going hog wild if we are ever going to get COVID under control, unless they are the Parliamentary Assistant to the Minister of Education, in which case I’m sure whatever they’re doing is fine,” Ford explained in a recent press conference. “I see no reason to say anything negative about an MPP when I can just stick to saying negative things about my constituents instead,” he added.
Ford addressed the province’s young people directly, telling them “I get it, you’re cooped up and you want to get together with all your friends, but there really is only one right way to do that: get elected as an MPP, then use your political power to sway businesses that are just trying to survive into letting you do whatever you want.”
Oosterhoff defended his actions, explaining that although indoor gatherings are limited to no more than 10 people at private residences, “this is different, because we were at a banquet hall and the virus can’t travel from person to person if you’re spending money.” The MPP went on to state that “I know a thing or two about viral transmission, since I’ve been helping to make sure schools are so safe right now!”
Staff at the banquet hall in question have come forward to say that Oosterhoff’s party did not follow posted rules about mask wearing and distancing even after repeated reminders, however premier Ford disagreed with this accusation: “The staff at that hall just didn’t understand the rules, so let me explain them again: don’t have Thanksgiving dinner and don’t celebrate Halloween, because those things are dangerous, but also don’t worry about how many students are in one classroom or how many people one of my MPPs gathers together in one place because those things are different. It’s really simple!”