TORONTO – Brian McFarlen, a local cyclist who can afford to live less than five minutes from the heart of downtown, has bragged about biking everywhere.
“It’s a great way to get around while also staying in shape,” said McFarlen as he biked through a red light. “From tattoo shops to my job at VICE to even the best Banh Mi in the city – I just hop on my bike and I’m there. Why does anyone drive ever? Gross!”
McFarlen, whose parents paid for him to go to film school and has no mortgage, kids, or debt, condemns people who drive in the city. “I hate cars – we should just get rid of all roads and replace them with bike lanes. Isn’t everyone able to live downtown and spend hours of their day biking around the city hitting up all the best micro breweries?”
According to McFarlen, biking is not only eco-friendly but also super accessible, and all anyone needs is a bike worth more than two months of rent.
“After spending a semester abroad, biking through Jakarta, I’ve been obsessed with living sustainability and unlearning my colonial way of living.” McFarlen added from his converted studio apartment in a very gentrified area of the city. ”There is no excuse. Bike.”
At press time, owners of electric cars were cited bragging “what do you mean you can’t afford a vehicle that’s three times the price of a regular car?”
