OSLO – In an exclusive interview with Norway’s NRK1, the Tooth Fairy, a magical being who is known for slipping into children’s rooms at night and leaving money in exchange for one of their baby teeth, admitted that her interests are not restricted to teeth, and would gladly accept other body parts as well.
“I’m mostly known for teeth, and the teeth make up 98% of my business,” explained the Fairy. “But I am trying to get the word out that I could also use fingers, earlobes, even whole legs. I need all kinds of body parts.” When the interviewer reacted in shock, the Tooth Fairy was quick to reassure her she meant children’s body parts, and would never take an adult body part.
“We thought that it would be a fun, easy interview with an adored children’s fantasy figure,” said Anne Lindmo, the TV host who interviewed the Tooth Fairy. “But the interview got very dark very fast, and when she brought out a price chart showing that she would pay two thousand dollars for an American nose, I stopped the interview.”
“I’m not saying you should remove your child’s hand and place it under the child’s pillow,” explained the Fairy. “But if your child’s hand falls off naturally, consider putting it under your child’s head as they sleep and I promise you, I will get it out of your house and leave a big wad of cash under there. I mean, what else are you going to do with it?”
The Tooth Fairy went on to say that due to exponential inflation of the amount of money a child expects to find under their pillow, rising costs have meant that her business model is no longer sustainable.
“I have a lot of creditors breathing down my neck,” said the Fairy. “There are kids out there expecting to find a twenty under their pillow. And that’s not a package deal, that’s per tooth. Used to be I could get my hands on a whole set of twenty teeth for a dollar. It’s not like that anymore. But I don’t have the skills for any other job, so I’m in deep.”
Since the interview, there has been widespread condemnation of the Tooth Fairy, with some concerned parents demanding that she resign immediately. Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny have disavowed any connection, despite being fellow fantasy creatures who invade homes nocturnally. “I have nothing to do with any body part collection or trade,” stated Santa Claus in a press release. “My activities are about one thing and one thing only: judging children’s moral character through constant surveillance.”