OTTAWA – A shocking centuries-long report has been released by the Canadian Dam Regulation on the amount of work done on the nation’s dams by uncertified beaver labourers.
The report details these dams’ failures on levels of structural integrity, engineering, and permit-gathering. However the report went on to note the one positive of the reprehensible workmanship, mainly in the incredible amount of adorable cuteness displayed.
“These dams do not meet our standards, they don’t meet ANY standards, frankly. They don’t even generate electricity,” said an exhausted inspector.
Perhaps most concerning, almost every instance of the dams investigated found that none of these beavers have been financially compensated in any shape or form.
“How do you expect workers on a dam to take pride in their labour if they aren’t even paid for their work?”
The report stresses the necessity of the Trudeau government to take strict action against these dangerous practices. In its conclusion, it proposed suing mother nature for fraud, workplace violations, and beaver rights.
“This is a slap in the face to all of our hard-working and driven beavers who go through the proper channels to prepare for work in the dam industry.”
The report is in conjunction with a similar damning study done by The Forest Professional Regulators of Canada on the amount of logging done by uncertified beavers as well.
