OTTAWA – The Greens, Conservatives and NDP are taking advantage of the media storm surrounding Justin Trudeau’s blackface and brownface scandal to release all of the skeletons from their own candidates’ closets while the country is focused elsewhere.
“What Justin Trudeau did was unforgivable and obscene. Blackface is never acceptable,” Conservative leader Andrew Scheer said. “Also, just putting this out there, no big deal, but it’s come to our attention that one of our candidates is the Zodiac Killer.”
This purging of candidate sins while the media looks the other way has not only resulted in every party admitting that their candidates have espoused racists, misogynist, homophobic and otherwise bigoted opinions, but also the confession of more outlandish misdeeds and remarks. The NDP have revealed that several of their candidates don’t believe in gravity and the Greens disclosed that nearly a quarter of their candidates are trios of toddlers bundled into trench coats.
“If there’s one lesson to take from all of this, it’s that the best way to get ahead of scandal is to lay everything on the table when no one is paying attention to you,” said one media observer. “And also that a surprisingly large number of Canadian politicians are cannibalism apologists.”
The People’s Party of Canada is not partaking in the current rush to air candidates’ offensive beliefs as airing their candidates’ offensive beliefs has always been their entire campaign strategy.
