OTTAWA – Andrew Scheer appeared distracted during a caucus meeting today, as sources say the Federal Conservative Leader was clearly expecting some kind of belated surprise party to celebrate his 40th birthday, which was well over a week ago.
Scheer started the meeting by entering the room very deliberately with eyes closed, then poorly hid his disappointment when he saw his fellow MPs prepared to conduct business as usual instead of hiding behind furniture.
“At first I was a little sad that nothing happened on my birthday,” said Scheer before the meeting. “But then I realized, my friends are so smart, they wouldn’t throw me a surprise party on my birthday. That’s too obvious! At the Conservative Party, we don’t do what’s obvious. Or even logical.”
As the meeting proceeded Scheer paused awkwardly several times mid-sentence, looked around the room with a grin on his face, then looked back down at his notes, blushing intensely. Finally Scheer asked slowly, “Any further business?” then waited for ten excruciating seconds before closing out the meeting with an, “Oh, okay then.”
“We were all confused at first,” said veteran Conservative MP Deepak Obhrai. “He was acting super weird. Then Diane Finlay whispered to me that it was his birthday last week, and we were horrified. Partly because we didn’t do anything for his birthday, but mostly because he so clearly wanted it, even a week later.”
“I thought maybe they had hired some kind of birthday clown,” said Scheer post-meeting. “But then I realized it was just Tony Clement, who looks kind of weird. Especially when he’s texting.”
After the meeting was over, the Conservative leader went home and took out his birthday jeans, which he had packed “just in case”, and wistfully put them back in his closet.
