MONTREAL – The mood at the Ginsberg household was reportedly low last night after receiving news that the Prophet Elijah had once again bailed on their Passover Seder.
“I mean, we always leave him a cup, but this time we even set aside a plate! And gefilte fish!” Randall Ginsberg said shaking his head. “We’d like to say we’re angry but we’re not, we’re just disappointed.”
Elijah the Prophet, the harbinger of the Messiah and serial ghoster, allegedly comes up with a new excuse to not attend Passover dinner every year. Past reasons include him claiming his dog ate his Haggadah, mistakenly consuming a different kind of bitter herb and not being able to drive, and stating that his attendance might bring about “end times” and “the destruction of the earth.” Unfortunately, the Ginsbergs are not the only victims of Elijah’s flakiness.
“We can’t seem to get him to come to our four-hour Seder, but maybe next year when we’re in Israel he’ll finally make it,” said a hopeful Shira Rosen, whose family was also stood up by Elijah. “It’s a shame we rarely seem him! Although weirdly enough he always seems down for a bris.”
Elijah has received harsh criticism from multiple aunts on Facebook. They later collectively released a statement saying that they might be a little irritable because they haven’t been able to eat bread, but he should still try to call more often.
“I was invited to every single Seder in the world but I didn’t RSVP because I wanted to keep my doors open,” The Prophet responded in a public Facebook post. “Why is this night different from all other nights?? Why is this the only night I get invited out? I’d love to get invited to Hanukkah dinner, or the Superbowl, God forbid. I even have a Fantasy Draft! ”
The Ginsbergs have forgiven Elijah from another year of absence, assuming he was too busy with important Prophet stuff. It was later revealed via Instagram livestream that he was at Barbra Streisand’s Seder knocking over kids to look for the Afikoman.
