DRUMMONDVILLE, QC – According to a detailed study of birthday cards received and samples of holiday dinner smalltalk, analysts are reporting that your uncle Victor has not made any updates to his notion of who you are as a person since you were 3 years old.
“I saw this show on TV about trains the other day and thought of you!” your uncle was quoted as saying last time he saw you. At the time you were too polite to tell him that you haven’t been interested in trains – or “choo-choos,” as they were once affectionately called – since you were 3 years old.
“Uncles are frequently known to be most excited about being an uncle during the first few years that they have the title,” explained researcher Melanie Savard-Beauchamp. “This is when they are most likely to develop strong impressions about a niece or nephew. After that their attention tends to drift. Once a child grows to be less cute and more annoying, the task of forming more up-to-date notions about them can become too much of a chore for many uncles.” Independent sources have confirmed that you did indeed get incredibly annoying between the ages of 4 and 22.
In addition to bringing up train-related TV shows he has seen, your uncle Victor has also gifted you with multiple conductor’s caps and has expressed shock any time you have mentioned taking a long journey by bus or plane.
“Did you ever look up my buddy Dave I told you about? He still works at CN,” researchers recorded your uncle saying on each of the past three occasions that you were in contact with him. “Technically he’s at a company that does contract work for them sometimes, but that’s still a great connection.” You have never spoken with the friend your uncle mentioned and reports indicate that you dread the day that this might actually happen.
As of press time researchers have also determined that you don’t really know what your uncle does for a living and think of him mostly in terms of the too-firm handshakes he used to give back when your hands were tiny.
