TORONTO – Visitors from the U.S. were dismayed this week to learn that despite Canada’s recent marijuana legalization, the city of Toronto is still extremely boring.
Ohio native Jenna Blake for example expected off-the-wall parties, but after a disappointing afternoon at the Bata Shoe Museum, was surprised when her hosts went home after one drink.
“Turns out everyone here works three jobs and has severe vitamin D deficiencies,” sighed Blake. “Even when they’re high on weed they just want to talk about city council cutbacks and pillow technology.”
Washington native Bill Braxton also had complaints. “I asked someone to show me the seedy part of town, and they directed me to a stall in the St. Lawrence Market that literally sold seeds. They were good seeds, sure, but not the edgy vacation experience I was expecting.”
“Also I’ve already been fined five times for smoking near things you apparently can’t smoke near.”
Others reported that being stoned of out their mind did nothing to improve their enjoyment of waiting for the subway, going to the Hockey Hall of Fame or wandering around Yonge & Dundas square, thereby proving the long held scientific estimate that there is no amount of weed that can make Yonge & Dundas square not suck.
A spokesperson for the mayor’s office advised that tourists looking for a saltier time should visit Montreal. “One time I ran over a guy there with my car and the cops simply gave me a coupon for a free appetizer at St. Huberts.”
