OTTAWA – Leading up to its July 1st birthday, Canada has been telling people that it is turning 150 for a second year in a row out of fear that it will be thought of as “that gross old country”.
“It’s so wonderful to experience a sesquicentennial for the first time,” said Prime Minister Justin Trudeau as he arched his eyebrows in a clear dare to see if any of the assembled journalists would try to correct him.
Canada has taken great lengths to hide its age including invitations that say Canada 150 again, crudely crossing out the 151 on their cake, throwing out anything in the national archive from 1867 and taking up vaping to seem young.
“Newfoundland and Labrador didn’t join until 1949” added Trudeau while holding a fidget spinner “so technically we’re only 69 years old.”
“I empathize with being self conscious about age.” reported Regina resident Baetford Ratler after hearing about the subterfuge. “But I don’t think Canada has another half a billion dollars to spend on stupid bullshit.”
“Well it must be so hard to be 151 years old! I sure hope they don’t ever come across some 241 year old hag of a country” exclaimed Canada’s neighbour United States before muttering how they were still “young and free”
This isn’t the first time Canada has been caught lying about its age. Many observers noted that the 150 birthday celebrations made the small error of ignoring the millennia of civilization that existed before European invasion.
