PLEASANTVIEW, AB – Tragedy hit a small residential neighbourhood today when the body of one of its residents was found having seemingly drowned in a swimming pool after being unable to find a ladder to climb out with. Bob Newbie was a respected theoretical physicist who had developed a reputation for claiming that universe is just a computer game like simulation.
“When you look at the evidence, it becomes abundantly clear that we aren’t fully in control of our own actions,” said Mr. Newbie in an interview back in 2014. “My calculations show the progression of time to be non-static, as if time itself were being toggled in and out of a paused state, almost as if we’re part of some simulated computer game.”
While many people were fascinated by the late scientist’s theories, most dismissed it as another symptom of his often reported erratic behaviour. Even his own wife claimed that Bob had become despondent in recent months, and the two of them rarely made WooHoo in the bedroom anymore.
“He was a very kind man, but also strange,” claimed neighbour Bella Goth. “He would often invite me or my husband over, and then hug us 5 or 6 times on the lawn before peeing his pants and then run inside to paint. This was not an uncommon occurrence.”
With his passing, Mr. Newbie’s co-workers hope to continue his research and honour their late friend’s life works. He was beloved by the colleagues, having carpooled to work every single day of his life, back when he first entered the science field as a lowly test subject to his current job as a respected theorist. Many unnamed co-workers told stories of how he often joked about being 2 friends away from being a mad scientist.
As of press time Mr. Newbie’s home had been sold to an 18 year old millionaire, who reportedly had gotten rich after investing in an obscure cryptocurrency known only as “rosebud.”
