HALIFAX – In a press release this morning, the World Wildlife Fund declared that as a result of the immense popularity of affordable sushi and bland seafood salads, the imitation crab has officially been upgraded from “Vulnerable” to “Endangered”.
Along with the human activity contributing to the species’ endangerment, other factors include climate change, which is warming the crabs’ imitation habitat, and the inanimate nature of Imitation Crabs themselves, which makes 100% of them unable to effectively reproduce.
“It’s a truly heartbreaking scenario,” Imitation Marine Biologist Mary Lowenthal told reporters , “but without immediate intervention, seeing a school of pale, tightly packed drumsticks of crab-adjacent matter frolicking merrily in the waves could become impossible.”
