OTTAWA – After several mishaps and one case of mistaken identity, the giant Dairy Farmers of Canada lobby group accidentally spent $200 million on favourable legislation and treatment in the Department of Fisheries.
“Alright, let’s try to make the most of this,” said board member Ian Harrop. “Do fish make milk? Can we get a monopoly on fish-milk?”
Dairy Farmers of Canada has managed to use its significant wealth and influence to maintain privileged status for dairy-friendly policies such as supply management, subsidies, and the military’s very unethical “Ultra-Cow” project. Unfortunately, with so many government entities to be lobbied, keeping track of where the DFC’s resources go can be difficult.
“Oh god, they sent us another email asking what we want them to do,” said board member Pierre Lampron. “How about we tell them to post law enforcement at the mouth of every major waterway to protect from ‘cheese pirates’?.”
In spite of the mistake, the DFC is confident that with a little creativity they’ll still get their lobbying dollar’s worth. So far the dairy group is pushing the Department of Fisheries to get heavy cream classified as seafood in the Canada Food Guide, to convince aquarium owners to fill their tanks with homogenized, and to make an ad campaign promoting chocolate fish for athletes.
This is the biggest misappropriation of DFC funds since the organization attempted to introduce supply management for the nation’s breast milk.
