OTTAWA – A day after declaring the prime minister’s cabinet was mediocre because ‘diversity’ was prioritized, Kevin O’Leary has vowed to prioritize mediocrity instead.
“If elected, I will end this obsession with ‘diversity’ and ‘gender parity,’” O’Leary told reporters. “Does this mean I’m going to fill my cabinet with Upper Middle Class White Men who have limited charisma, talent, and life experience, but who can get by without fucking things up too much? You better fucking believe it.”
The businessman-turned-reality-TV-star-turned-politician articulated his belief that Trudeau prioritized diversity over what’s most important to Canadians- not having to think about or adapt to the ethnic and cultural changes happening around them.
“I’m not saying I have anything against women or minorities in positions of power.” O’Leary was quick to point out. “I’m just saying this diversity bandwagon has to stop. Why do we prioritize the assumption that in a country full of 17.2 million women and 6.26 million visible minorities there are 26 who can fill a cabinet? Absolutely absurd, liberal fluff.”
This, O’Leary states, is the reason why he’s putting diversity low on his list of priorities, behind complacency and historically institutionalized reinforcements of power.
“[Trudeau] has built up a caucus and cabinet full of people whose faces or genitals scare a good 25% of our population and whose life experience leads them to concerns and issues that same 25% aren’t affected by at all.” O’Leary pined. “We need to bring back the good old days, when the cabinet was just sort of there, and the average Canadian knew their life would be more or less okay-ish.”
When asked what he meant by ‘average’ Canadian, O’Leary made a broad circular motion around his face and winked.
