OTTAWA – Kevin O’Leary has been forced to suspend his campaign for the Conservative party leadership after a California condor, mistaking O’Leary’s shiny, white pate for an egg, attempted to incubate and hatch his head.
“It is with great reluctance that I must pull out of the race,” said O’Leary at a quick press conference as the 26lb bird circled overhead. “I totally would have won tho– Oh Christ here it comes again!”
Ornithologists are perplexed by the condor’s presence in Canada. So far, the only answer they have is that the bird must have seen O’Leary’s condor egg-sized skull on television, spurring a biological instinct powerful enough to pull the bird across the continent.
“This is only a temporary inconvenience,” said O’Leary, taking refuge in his study while the condor furiously pecked at his windows. “While we cannot kill the critically endangered bird, I expect to be back on the campaign trail after it dies of old age in 40 years.”
This is the first time a bird has interrupted federal politics since two finches nested in Charles Tupper’s sideburns.
