WASHINGTON, DC – Recently-confirmed Education Secretary Betsy DeVos has purchased a small public school to practice on before she assumes the responsibilities for her new job.
“I’m so thrilled to have purchased a public school so I can get the chance to try out some ideas before we move on to the other American public schools, of which there are, I understand, several dozens,” DeVos happily explained to reporters.
DeVos chose Miller North Collegiate for her trial run in large part due to the district’s relatively low-income population.
“This situation is a win-win,” DeVos explained in an interview. “The children in the school are, it would seem, most likely too poor to go to a real school, so no harm done if we make a couple of oopsies.”
While the projects DeVos will be testing are unclear, a spokesperson has confirmed that she is looking forward to getting acquainted with the challenging aspects of public school, like our-of-date-textbooks, overworked teachers, and the absence of a massive family fortune to help make ends meet.
At press time, DeVos was trying to see if she could get a grizzly to attack the school, just to see what would happen.
