OTTAWA – The Conservative party came out against the mandatory census again this week, saying that it creates undue stress and is totally irrelevant to all of the several million people currently living in Canada.
“It’s time the government started respecting Canadians,” said interim leader of the opposition, Rona Ambrose. “And they can start by not wasting hard-earned tax dollars on learning about Canadians.”
Canadians, says Ambrose, have a basic right to privacy, whether they are white, black or any of the other races that may exist. When the government crosses that line they enter the territory of a dictatorship.
“The government should not force you to provide private information,” said Ambrose, whose party had passed Bill C-51 giving CSIS those exact powers. “Canadians don’t want this… I assume. Kinda hard to tell without a large survey of some sort.”
According to the Conservative party, the census isn’t particularly helpful anyway. The data it provides can only be used for determining where federal aid programs should focus their work, helping the healthcare system determine hospital locations, providing basic demographic data to retailers looking to open new stores, and other cases where guessing would probably be just as effective.
“In the end, the census is just pointless busy work. Canadians don’t want to arrive at their… houses – yes, houses, I think that’s right – to find a thick envelope full of forms waiting on their doorstep. They want to be spending time with their dozen children and half a dog,” said Ambrose. “They just got back from a long day of work. Or whatever they do during the day. Maybe they pick flowers? Or swim? Do Canadians swim all day?”
Ambrose then excused herself to attend a benefit dinner for unemployed Egyptian-Canadians with red hair who are missing a finger, a demographic she says makes up 30% of Conservative voters.